My Secret

I'm going to miss Dr. Laura. I loved listening to her on long car rides. She was so entertaining - the way she treated her callers like stupid idiots. I loved how she told mothers they must stay home with their children and referred to herself as her kid's mom when she would spend hours in a recording studio working. I love how impressed she was with herself, and of course, that she acted like a psychologist when her PhD is in physiology. She was so judgmental of others even though she had an affair with a married man, shacked up before marriage, posed for nude photos, and was estranged from her mother and sister. Did I mention that her mother's remains were found in her Beverly Hills condo 2 months after she died?

I remember when I discovered Dr. Laura. I was living in LA and spending lots of time in my car. Talk radio was big, and Dr. Laura was the biggest. The time I spent sitting in traffic flew by as I listened to her rudeness. It was astonishing how many people would call in just to be told that  they are bad parents, wives, husbands, sons, daughters.  I loved it. It made me feel great about myself.  I subscribed to her newsletter.  I just couldn't get enough of someone with so much hubris. Then she did it. She said that homosexuality was a biological error. She said that gays shouldn't be able to adopt children. I called the newsletter to cancel. They didn't seem to care. I said, "Don't you want to know WHY I'm canceling?" "Nope." Well I hope her son Deryk is GAY!

Her stance on homosexuality didn't deter her a bit. She went on. I boycotted her for a while. Then she retracted her statements, and I have to admit, I snuck in a few broadcasts. Her stance on gay marriage is appalling, and yet she would talk about her gay friends. Whatever. Nobody knew I was listening. It's funny how we (the gays)  tried to silence Dr. Laura, and it couldn't be done - not until she became a racist. Did you hear it? She said the N word 11 times. It was like a kid in a candy store. What the fuck does she know about being an African American woman? At some point, you might want to admit you're out of your league Dr. Laura.

So, come December, it's going to be all over.  No more Dr. Laura. I'm sure she'll succeed in some other venue and she'll have plenty of people volunteering for some abuse. I'll miss her hypocrisy. I'll miss her maniacal laugh and her bragging about how many sit-ups she can do. But mostly I'll miss the callers and their problems. That always made me feel like a better mother, daughter and partner.

Oh, and does anyone know if Deryk has a girlfriend?

Now go take on the day.